Probably Wouldn't Be This Way Repost
by RayneDancer
Summary: This is the same story line as the first 'Probably Wouldn't Be This Way', but I've tried to modify the characters.


Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing or any characters involved in this story. Don't own the song by Leann Rimes either. But plot YES! I do own that.

Authoresses Note: Let's try this again. Tell me what you think.

Rating: Past 3x4

Song: "I Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by Leann Rimes

* * *

The sun would soon be starting to peek over the horizon. In the next few minutes the sky would be ablaze in colors of pinks and yellows, but for now it was a grayish pink hue. A house stood at the base of a green hill and the kitchen door, leading out into the backyard, could be seen slowly opening.

A tall figure quickly ducked out and quietly shut the door. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his dark green jacket, he inhaled deeply and then released it. He watched in light amusement as his breath danced in front of him. It was a particularly brisk autumn morning.

Before beginning his walk, he took a look up at the trees which were in peak color. Even though the sun wasn't yet up, he could see the latent brilliance of the leaves. Taking another breath in, he closed his eyes and reveled in the smells of fall. The telltale smell of snow was beginning to tinge the edges of it and the light acrid smell of woodstoves was also present.

Taking a few looks around, he continued his walk. His feet crunched over the remains of fallen leaves. Thinking to himself, he wondered if he should rake soon.

The backyard of his house edged the forest.

He followed a well worn trail, all the time watching any of the small creatures other people wouldn't notice in the underbrush. A pair of deer stood nearly camouflaged in the trees and a rabbit, unafraid of this unassuming human, merely slowly retreated under a small tree. Birds began to wake and sing their songs to the sun which was now gracing the land with its warmth.

The trail slowly started to slope upwards. He could feel his breath coming quicker. The cold air tickled his lungs, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. He knew the view at the top was all worth it.

Reaching the top, his eyes opened wide at the beauty stretched out before him. A small smile upturned the corners of his mouth. Below him was a valley filled with the organized rows of harvested crops and hay bales. The rising sun cast elongated shadows on everything. Edging the horizon, was row after row of rolling mountains covered in autumn's colors. A golden tint from the sun made everything twice as brilliant. Small ponds graced the landscape and mist gently rose off of them, mist soon to be burned off by the warming sun.

It didn't take a few moments before that small smile began to turn into a frown. Keeping his eyes focused on the scene in front of him, he coldly refused to recognize the presence. Finally, he felt as if he had no choice.

"Somehow I knew you'd be here," he said flatly. He shoved his hands back into his jeans pockets.

He received no response.

He took a deep breath and released it through his nose. "I've wanted to see and yet…not wanted to see you."

Again, he received no response.

"Quatre," he narrowed his eyes and spoke in a reprimanding voice. His eyes didn't move from their riveted position on the mountain view. "You can't keep doing this. Meeting me and then remaining silent," he finished in the same voice.

"I'm sorry," a light voice responded.

His face remained placid, yet one could see the controlled anger behind his eyes. "This is your fault," he continued, his voice bitter, barely acknowledging the response. "You left. I said I loved you, but you still left."

He finally whipped his head in Quatre's direction, his hair falling over one side of his face. "Why did you do that?" he asked accusingly.

"I had no choice," was the whispered reply.

"There are always choices," he retorted. He moved his gaze once more, away from Quatre. Anywhere but on Quatre. Glancing behind him, he stepped back and sat down on a large gray boulder. Taking his hands out of his pockets, he laid them palm down on the boulder by his hips.

"It just hurts so bad, Quatre. You left so fast, there was barely even time for a good-bye. To think that you would even _do_ that to me," he said coolly. "I never pictured going through every minute of my day without you--yet here I am. Alone."

He though he heard a sad sigh echo from near him, and he figured that was the most response he'd get for now. There was so much he still needed to say, so he broke the awkward silence that had settled.

"You know, some days, I feel like I'm so lucky to have known you and to feel your love, but then," he took a deep breath, "there are other days when I wish I had never met you," he confessed remorsefully. He still didn't dare look into the others eyes just yet.

"You must think me mad," he commented with a small sarcastic smile touching his face. "I'm the 'silent one' yet here I am doing most the talking. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I just seem to go on and on these days. Ever since you left."

A tense silence settled. The breeze gently blew through the mountain clearing

"Remember how we met? How could anyone forget," he snorted ruefully a few minutes later.

"We were complete strangers, but somehow you knew we weren't supposed to be fighting. You showed me hospitality and opened my previously untrusting heart," he lightly smiled as he reminisced. He upturned his face to the sky. "When we played music together—we didn't just play our instruments. I believe we connected on a plane outside of this world. All I knew at the moment was you, me, and the sound of our harmony. I swear Quatre, even though I left you that afternoon, I knew I had fallen in love with you already." He closed his eyes as he briefly relived the memory and the moment.

His eyes slowly opened, the once bright green dulling, signifying his turn in mood. "But perhaps," he started slowly, that smile once on his face disappearing. "Perhaps if I had never met you it would've been for the best. If I had never met you, I probably wouldn't be this way now," he said narrowing his eyes. "I don't even think you realize the extent of what you've done," he said, turning that accusing glare to the one he was speaking to.

Silence was his only response this time.

"It's been hard Quatre. It was especially hardest right after you left. We were all trying to figure out what we had done wrong. When I finally found out where you were, the others looked at me like I was crazy. After speaking to you a few times, the others told me to stop. That it wasn't good for me. They told me to just move on with my life. But tell me, how am I supposed to move on with my life when YOU were my life!" it was becoming increasingly difficult to contain his anger and frustration. The anger was becoming clear in the tone of his voice although he kept it level.

"Every morning I woke to see your face, every night I fell asleep to dream about you and me. After those God forsaken wars were over, I lived so you and I could be together! Don't you see?" he continued. Pausing, he let silence fall over him. He took a deep breath, calming his voice. "I couldn't just 'move on' as they told me to. The pain of you deciding to go was just too great."

He sighed as a few clouds started to roll over the early morning sun. The shadows disappeared from the valley and the morning suddenly grew colder. A small shiver ran down his spine.

"I remember the night you left," he allowed his mind to wander back to that night. "We had the others over for dinner. You seemed preoccupied, now that I look back—something wasn't right. Your face was paler than it usually was and every so often your hand was at your chest. I couldn't understand why. When asked, you denied any claim that you weren't all right. Finally, you admitted that you weren't feeling well. You left to go upstairs and lay down. I told you I'd be up in a minute to make sure you didn't need anything. You gave me that bright smile of yours before continuing up the stairs," he stopped for a moment. His face got darker.

The wind started to pick up and brown dead leaves fell all around him, shaken from their branches. He listlessly watched them land on the ground.

"After about half hour, I excused myself from the conversation and went upstairs to check on you. When I opened our bedroom door, I found you on the floor," he kept his gaze fixed on the leaves scattered at his feet.

"I held you in my arms. You were so still," he looked down at his hands, palms up turned. "I must have called for help because next thing I realized we were at the hospital. The others stayed with me.

"Finally, after hours of not seeing you, the doctor came out. I couldn't understand what he was saying. The only thing I noticed was the others looking shocked and Duo dropping his head into his hands. I just couldn't understand it though. All I heard was something about a 'heart attack' and 'not making it', but then why…

"…why were you standing right beside the doctor?

"You looked at me with those blue eyes of yours and I felt the room disappear around me. All that was left was you and me. You looked sad when you suddenly said you had to go. I begged you to stay. I pleaded. I told you I loved you with all my heart! But in the end you only said you loved me too, but there was no other way—you had no other choice. You gave me a sad smile and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Then," he spoke in a whisper, "you were gone."

He lightly touched his cheek where he could feel the ghost of a kiss. When he took it away he felt moisture. Touching his cheek again, he brought his hand in front of his face. There, on the fingertips, one tear glistened. "Everyone thinks I've lost my mind Quatre," still looking in mild shock at the tear. "Without you with me, I'm nothing and nobody," he exhaled, dropping his hands down to his sides. He abstractly felt another tear leave a trail down his cheek.

"Trowa! Yo Tro where are ya!"

He turned his face towards the sound of one of his friends crashing loudly through the underbrush. Slowly, he wiped his hand across his face, wiping the traces of that tear from his face.

"There you are man! Geez, it's only 8 in the morning. Couldn't you have waited until at least 10 to go for a walk?" Duo panted from his climb up the trail. The chilled morning air had turned his nose and cheeks a light pink, a smile spread across his face for finding Trowa. That normally cheery smile quickly left his face when he realized where they were.

"Oh. I see," Duo started awkwardly. He pointed back down the trail. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Trowa maintained his position on the boulder; his green eyes as expressionless as his face. The sun had not come out again from behind the clouds and the world had turned cold and gray.

His silence lasted for a long time, almost as if he hadn't heard Duo. Duo, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the lack of conversation, stretched his neck to try and see Trowa's face to gauge his answer. Duo walked around the back of the boulder, behind Trowa, to stand near Trowa's side to look at Trowa's profile.

"I realize you're still angry with Quatre, Duo. It's only polite however to greet him," Trowa replied all of a sudden. Duo furrowed his brow in confusion. There was a moment of hesitation before Duo opened his mouth, about to say something.

"I think he finally understands what he did to all of us. Maybe with both of us here, we can convince him to come home," Trowa interrupted, turning his head quickly to look directly into Duo's blue-violet eyes.

Duo didn't break the gaze but his expression instantly became cheerless. He had been around Trowa long enough to see the emotion hidden behind those green eyes. Those eyes were desperately pleading. No stranger would be able to see it, but those close to him however could. Duo stood up straight and brought his hand up to scratch the back of his head, finally breaking the eye contact.

Duo's sad violet eyes met Trowa's gaze once more, but only for a moment before moving over Trowa's shoulder. There, nearly hidden now by the fall leaves lay a gravestone. Duo knew the words carved on there by heart—

Quatre Raberbra Winner. Born AC 180 Died AC 207. Beloved husband, friend, and brother.

The eyes of Trowa Barton Winner continued to stare at Duo Maxwell. His eyes watched Duo turn around to look nervously at something behind him. Twisting his body, Trowa turned to what Duo was looking at.

"He left again."

Duo looked at Trowa at shock. He had never heard such a quietly enraged voice before—especially coming from Trowa, a man with such controlled emotions.

Trowa stood up quickly, causing Duo to take a step back in surprise. He strode over to the grave and seemed to be looking for something. Duo squinted his eyes in confusion, but mostly compassion—Trowa looked 'frantic'. But Trowa frantic?

Turning he faced Duo again. "He was just here," Trowa tried to convince, he pointed to try and better prove his point. "Why does he always leave? Why did he have to go?" Trowa questioned, narrowing his eyes his eyes in anger.

Duo watched in shock as Trowa's normally calm disposition suddenly became searching, hopeless. The expression radiating from Trowa's eyes was nearly enough to make Duo's heart break. He had seen emotions through Trowa's eyes but never so clearly.

Trowa searched the hill side clearing with his eyes—searched for any remnant of Quatre's presence. "Duo?" Trowa stopped scanning the surroundings and settled his gaze on Duo. "Duo? Why did he have to go?"

Duo winced. Trowa's voice sounded so…lost. Absolutely forlorn. His eyes, his posture, his whole form reflected that as well. Breaking his gaze with Duo, he looked around the clearing almost as if he didn't know where he was, or how he had gotten there. Finally he dropped his head nearly to his chest and his hands limply hung by his sides. At that point, he slowly sank to sit cross-legged on the ground. Pulling one knee up to his chest, he dropped his head into his hands.

Duo nervously looked at his friend. He looked down the hillside trail, leading back down to the house and nearly considered either leaving Trowa to grieve alone or bringing either Heero or Wufei back up with him. But when he looked back at Trowa, sitting dejectedly on the ground, he knew he didn't want to leave Trowa. They would both return to the house together.

Gingerly, Duo knelt in front of Trowa on one knee and put a hand on Trowa's shoulder. His touch elicited a sigh from Trowa and his face was released from his hands. Even though Trowa's eyes were closed, they were cast to the ground. Duo saw it however—saw the one tear snake down Trowa's cheek to finally land in the dirt beneath their feet.

"I don't know why he had to go Trowa. I don't know why it had to be him. Why it had to be one of the good ones. I wish I did, but I don't know. One day we'll see him again though. But for now, we can still feel him in our hearts. That's how I try to keep him with me," Duo tried to soothe, but his words sounded so clichéd and stale even to his own ears. He doubted they would bring any comfort to his grief-stricken friend. He was telling Trowa the same thing he told himself every night after they had lost Quatre, his best friend. If only they truly helped to alleviate some of this pain.

The thick silence made Duo uneasy. He sat with Trowa a few more moments before awkwardly standing and rubbing his hands on his jeans. Passing his hand over his face, he wiped away some suspicious moisture.

"You know, we both wandered off without letting Heero or Wufei know where we were going," Duo tried to smile, tried to loosen the uneasiness. "It's probably past breakfast time and I think I might have offered to make breakfast this morning, last night. We should go back before Wufei tries to cook," Duo nervously chuckled.

After watching Trowa not make a move for nearly a full minute, Duo offered his hand down to Trowa. After a few hesitant seconds, Trowa slowly reached up and gripped the offered hand, allowing Duo to pull him to his feet.

Vaguely Trowa heard Duo start talking again--something about all of them wanting to talk to Trowa about something. Something about maybe Trowa should try speaking to someone—to make him feel better. Trowa only half heartedly listened. He didn't feel he had anything left to say. That placid indifferent face so common to him had fallen back into place—the lost and hopeless expression Duo had been privy to seeing before had melted away. To simply reside in his locked away in his numb heart once more.

Slowly the sun started to break through the clouds once more and Trowa stopped walking and watched as Duo stopped walking as well and turned around to look at Trowa in confusion.

Trowa sadly turned around to look once more at the gravestone of his young, late husband. But there, standing beside the stone, was Quatre—right where he was standing before while Trowa was talking previous to Duo coming up. It was only now though Trowa realized he could see the autumn trees through his beloved.

"Quatre…" Trowa whispered reverently.

"I'm so sorry Trowa," Quatre whispered, with a sad smile on his face. "I wish I hadn't had to leave so soon or so fast. Know that I will _always_ love you…" the airy whisper started to trail off as the vision of Quatre slowly began to dissipate with the sun—like the mist Trowa witnessed rising off of the lakes.

A gentle wind blew past Trowa as the morning sun began to warm his face once more. Closing his eyes, he could almost feel Quatre's fingers gently brushing aside his hair and Quatre's lips planting a small graceful kiss on his cheek.

Yet when Trowa opened his eyes, all he saw this time was the lone gravestone. The ache in his heart only grew deeper. For at that moment, he realized his love was truly dead. And he was never coming back…

"Trowa?"

Turning back, he saw Duo watching him expectantly, his brow furrowed slightly in confusion and curiosity. Trowa supposed Duo had seen nothing.

Once more, Trowa turned away from Duo and stared once more at the gravestone where he had just seen Quatre.

"Quatre," Trowa whispered, his heart twisting in agony, his face betraying nothing of his inner turmoil, "Quatre, won't you please…

…come back. "

* * *

Authoresses Note: This is "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" rewritten. From re-reading it, I wanted to try to get Trowa more in character. I wanted him to show more emotion than I think he generally would but after re-reading this, I felt maybe I had gone a little overboard. I also had a reviewer say they thought the same thing so here is a different version.

If you're feeling the desire to review, could you do me a favor? Please tell me which version you liked best. If you want to get _real_ wild and crazy, could you tell me _why_ you liked the version you choose?

I would really appreciate it. If you don't review, I at least hope you enjoyed reading! Take care everyone!

Just so you know, this was the song that inspired me to write this piece—"Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by Leann Rimes. It has a beautiful tune and I believe it's definitely worth getting somehow and listening to!

"_Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son  
_

_Everybody says he's crazy  
_

_I'll have to wait and see_

_I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came_

_I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves."_

_I'm probably going on and on_

_It seems I'm doing more of that these days._

_I probably wouldn't be this way_

_I probably wouldn't hurt so bad_

_I never pictured every minute without you in it_

_Oh You left so fast_

_Sometimes I see you standing there_

_Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to_

_love this much_

_God gave me a moment's grace_

_'Cause if I'd never seen your face_

_I probably wouldn't be this way._

_Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you_

_Susan says that I should just move on._

_You oughta see the way these people look at me_

_When they see me 'round here talking to this stone_

_Everybody thinks I've lost my mind_

_But I just take it day by day_

_I probably wouldn't be this way_

_I probably wouldn't hurt so bad_

_I never pictured every minute without you in it_

_Oh You left so fast_

_Sometimes I see you standing there_

_Sometimes I feel an angel's touch_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to_

_love this much_

_God gave me a moment's grace_

_'Cause if I'd never seen your face_

_I probably wouldn't be this way._

_Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son_

_Everybody says I'm crazy_

_Guess I'll have to wait and see_."


End file.
